Friday, November 21, 2008
LG's 1st (and 2nd and 3rd....) time out
This afternoon and evening proved to be parentally exhausting. LG, while a sweet boy, showed his persistence in testing one boundary in particular. One of my "things" as a parent is teaching my child not to scream, at least while indoors. So, when LG proceeded to do that very thing about 7 dozen times tonight (only a slight exaggeration), I had to take some action. Mind you, they were not hair-raising screams. But he would look me in the eyes while he did his little performances. I saw this as an important learning moment for LG and myself. Since I've had some experience working with difficult kids as a teacher, I yanked open my mental filing cabinet and found that the file labeled "toddlers" was missing. But, if I have learned anything from teaching special ed, it is that you must be consistent and also point out good behavior. So, with this in mind, I was pretty good at giving him a consequence when he stepped out of the zone and likewise, letting him know when he was "talking nice". The consequence became "time out" even though I am not completely sure about that method. We danced this two-step for QUITE a while tonight. My husband is out of the country, by the way, so this was an exclusive mother/son experience. There isn't much of a point to this post, just that I now feel a certain bond to all the parents of toddlers in the world. It is wonderful, and difficult. By the way, I still haven't found those stupid boots.
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10 comments:
Perhaps he is missing his Dadda and is expressing his frustration. You might also check for an ear infection- and sign of red ears?
Or most likely he has discovered that he can scream, and he is experimenting with that and, as you observed, his boundaries.
I am glad he has you to guide him through it. And I am glad that I am way past that stage.
Your "wordsfromhome" are always wise:) Yes, it could be any of those things you mentioned. It is always good to get another perspective on things. LG and I both miss his Dadda. I really hope it is not an ear infection.
Maybe there is something geared for toddlers in one of those books I recently got...
While it is difficult to work with, I am grateful that he has a great mother to provide the teaching and the boundaries... and after next week, he´ll have a father again as well!
aah the screaming stage. yeah, we're still in that...sorry not to be a light at the end of the very screechy tunnel. i'm pretty sure its just a phase they go through as they discover their vocal chords and you're doing just fine. gotta love those toddlers! welcome to the club, my friend.
As a grandpa I would sweep him up and we would do something distracting to his present condition, but likely detrimental to his growth. In some way I would spoil him as I do with LG's cousins.
You are doing the right things!
There's a time and place for spoiling.
Consistency is the best thing. I've also had a thought that isn't totally formed yet- but on Adam's blog he posted about sin, and I commented on how I don't think God works in a crime and punishment sort of way, and that got me thinking about making sure I'm teaching what is okay or not okay instead of just delivering punishments.
I don't know how i missed this post. Just wanted to say that parenting is the area in my life where I find myself constantly second guessing myself. Your "I'm not sure that time out is the best method' comment made me think of this. I feel the same way and yet, we use time out everyday around here. I have yet to come up with a better option. We just use trial and error a lot. I don't know how anyone says they can be a pro at parenting, because the things that work on Sam seem to be totally different with Luke. It's like doing it all over again, differently. I guess what i'm saying is "good luck!" and "I understand".
I have been thinking about my experience observing time out. I do not recall using it much 30+ years ago. But I have noted that it can be effective if the child (and the parent ) begins to regard timeout as an opportunity to calm down, to have some personal space, and to back away from a conflict, rather than as a punishment.
A parent who chooses to be in time out for those reasons can help a child to see that it is a benefit, and the real success is when a child chooses timeout for himself.
That is the ideal timeout, although with toddlers, sometimes you just have to have something that maybe feels more like a punishment to get the message across that something is not okay.
For instance- what do you do when your child continually climbs out of timeout? Supernanny would say keep putting the kid back in time out until they learn they can't get down, which is probably better than what we did. Getting out of timeout without permission was one of the few things that resulted in a spanking at our house, and it was fairly effective.
A couple of days ago in a parenting book I read that time-out really should be a way to cool down (not punishment), as wordsfromhome mentioned. This brought me to second guess my method, as Hannah mentioned. AND I also agree with Allie, in that, toddlers need some action to communicate that consequences occur when family rules are broken. I believe that punishment has its place, but should not be the primary method in disciplining children.
Wordsfromhome- what method did you use when you were raising your children?
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